I’ve been listening to a specific list of songs lately and I was particularly drawn again to Madonna’s song ‘Jump‘. I especially adore the first two spoken lines, which completely capture what I’ve been feeling lately:
There’s only so much you can learn in one place;
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste
And yeah, I remember seeing the Season 2 finale of Ugly Betty and the song was aptly used in that pivotal sequence. The question is, am I really ready to jump?
For the sake of having an image included in this post, I had to dig up my hard drive for this particular photo. It was undeniably my most favorite jump shot ever, taken on my birthday almost seven years ago just before sunset in Boracay Island. Come to think of it, it was also the first photo I’ve posted when I created my now inactive Tumblr account on my 25th birthday. Looking at it now makes me more frustrated than ever. Not that I moan about not being able to stunts like that because I completely got over it. I’m frustrated over how this photo reminded me of how adventurous and fearless I used to be, that how I grabbed life by the balls and was not too afraid of failure or rejection.
Honestly, if there were no other considerations, I’d quit my job and work for an organization that will probably pay me way lower than what I get now. But at least whatever I’m doing makes me happy and I get to do something worthwhile. Maybe that’s what eating me now, I don’t feel like doing something significant in terms of using what I learned from school. I’m too impatient to begin but I just can’t rush dropping things at once. A lot of “what will happen to this, or to that” has been running on my mind and it was really hilarious and despicable at the same time. To be more specific, I’m itching to go out there.
Am I too distracted? Maybe, but whatever it is that keeps me afloat lately has been some sort of therapy and escapism. When I snap back to reality, I really want to do something substantial. When I take a bath or about to sleep, I always have an impulsive and radical idea to just sell everything I have (i.e. my bags) so whatever that needs to be covered gets covered, and I can then do whatever it is that I want to do. Out of the bathroom or immediately waking up, I will then completely dismiss the idea — I’m neurotic. LOL
I’ve been itching to write about this for days, but I keep holding back out of fear that whoever I know reading this might think badly of me. Then I realized that this is my blog, my space, where I decided to let it all hang out and whoever tries to peruse its contents was never forced to do so. Anyway, I just need more patience and do a mental organization of what needs to be done and prioritized before I do any significant jump. Well, I can no longer ignore that familiar feeling from five years ago, but unlike that time, a lot of things have changed and I have to make smarter choices now.