Bryologue Turns 6 Today!

Six years ago, in an attempt to create a separate avenue for self-expression and practice writing for my comprehensive exams, I had created BRYOLOGUE. It was even hosted for free at WordPress.com, before I ventured into self-hosting in January 2015.

I admittedly become absent here from time to time, but I should not let this anniversary pass without an entry. I haven’t even managed to post one on the 5th.

Several times I have been informed by friends and acquaintances that they have stumbled upon this website. Again, it makes me feel uneasy when they bring this to my attention. But then again, whatever they read here, they must accept the frivolity and, at times, candor that I offer.

Although I don’t promote at all, I’ve seen several Facebook posts grabbing photos here, but with proper attribution. However, there were also times that I saw posts using my photos without asking.

Anyway, after transferring to the laboratory back in March, we will be going back to the pool downstairs starting Monday. All things considered, it is best that we sit there along with the other programs.

One on the guitar, one on his laptop - Coach Brown Foldover ConvertibleTote Messenger Bag F54774Coach Men's Heritage Authentic Web Foldover Tote Brown Leather F70558

One on the guitar, one on his laptop

Who will not love this modern lab? However, it is really fair enough we go downstairs again. So, goodbye lab! Those were fun three months with you!

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Advanced birthday party in the office

Friday is wash day but I still ended up wearing these pants again instead of jeans. I think it looks good with this leather mailbag and it was as far as I can do to be color-coordinated. It rain when I was already in the shuttle, though, and I was really worried because I was wearing suede shoes! LOL

Blue F&H polo shirt, skinny khaki pants, Yves Saint Laurent multicolor sneakers, J. Peterman countereit mailbag

Mon and his teammate, Joselle, will be both celebrating their birthdays in Sunday. In connection to this, his team decided to throw a mini-kiddie party, complete with a chocolate fountain and hotdogs on a stick most especially. Even if there were already a lot of us inside the pantry, we still ahd a hard time finishing everything. Well, most were girls and they eat relatively less ravenous than the boys so that was slightly expected.

Birthday boy and birthday girl

Chocolate fountain and hotdogs on a stick

Eating some ice cream

Guilty of the food she ate LOL

I stopped eating rice for dinner since Tuesday  and Faye has stopped eating some since… I don’t exactly know when. LOL Most of the people I was with inside the pantry were the “jogging bunch”, diligently getting their cardio fix before the day ends. I also wanted to join them but I am too lazy to bring workout clothes in the office. Excuses, I know. But I do my own share of exercise at home too!

The goto that saved me

A bowl of hot and steaming goto

It’s 2:00 AM and I almost had a fainting spell. I left the office feeling okay, but on my way home, I had this familiar feeling of non-hunger. I can’t exactly explain what was it but it was when I know my body was running low but felt no hunger pains. I said that it was a familiar feeling because that was what I used to feel when I used to take suppressants. I no longer take them because I did not like the effect on my body and I know that in the long run, it will be very detrimental.

Anyway, I did not know why I even felt that way because had I known that my stomach was about to rumble, I would be immediately getting something to eat. I then bought this steaming bowl of goto because it was the quickest fix I could find. My body is now singing Hallelujah Chorus to me. LOL

What I see in the mirror?

I got home starving a bit from a whole day’s work. When I dropped by the kitchen, this is what I saw:

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I had to fight a strong urge to eat my favorite Piattos (Sour Cream & Onion). I generally prefer chips in sour cream, garlic or plain and salted. But I know that the moment I open the pack, I would not be just tasting but emptying it down. I just got a banana and drank two glasses of water. Mind over matter as I am about to sleep and I did not want to feel guilty after. I know very well that I have a delicate relationship with food, which I last described in my previous entry.

Since I started my renewed dedication towards exercise and watching what I eat last May, I look back at the things I wrote in my agenda and see gaping holes in my weekly routine. What started as 4 times a week exercise would eventually drop down to three on some weeks. Then I will feel guilty and compensate with exercise in the middle of the night and cutting back on food on the most random time. Again, I do not have a weight goal. I just want to feel better in the clothes I wear. I’m normally a “T-shirt, jeans, sneakers”-type of person but ever since that a particular dress code in the office was imposed, I began to watch what I do as well.

When I look at the mirror, I keep on seeing the things I hated about myself. Those love handles and some belly fat I can’t even rid of, even when I was still an active athlete back in college. Then I recall that even those times when I was at my peak, I hated my body a lot and compare myself with my skinny co-members who will never gain that much weight. Of course, it was unfair and I can’t do anything about it.

Almost two months of dedication, I’m still not sure of any changes:

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My eyes would go straight to that unsightly bulge. Then when I exercise, I keep telling myself that I’m fat whenever I feel like not finishing the set or getting tired with what I should be doing. It works.

I do not want to harm myself because I know I have a lot of things to do and accomplish, especially this year. Comprehensive examinations, language proficiency exams I should have already taken, family obligations, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes when things get too complicated and I get easily frustrated and how I react to the people around me, I get hard on myself. Really, really hard. I’m naturally an ill-tempered person, even when I was little. However, I feel like I’m a notch higher in terms of irritability. I just hate excessive noise and yipyapping and people hissing at me like an angry goose. I shut them down.

Last Tuesday was a different story, though. I was so happy with our dinner and we ate in Tokyo Tokyo, which serves unlimited rice, and I stuffed myself so much. Since May, I have slowly trained my body to take enough food to keep me going. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not undereating but just following the ubiquitous ‘eat-frequently-of-less-food-than-few-big-helpings’ advice. But that particular Tuesday, I felt really sick that I had to force myself to get the food out. I don’t normally do this and for the record, I only did it twice. I don’t want to ruin my digestive tract, especially my teeth as I’ve spent several years having them corrected with braces and retainers. That money won’t go to waste. I even totally stopped taking some prescription drugs twice because I firmly believe that whatever body shape I desire can be achieved naturally. That, and Mon and my mother caught me with them, even if I tried concealing them hard. The cat was out of the bag and I eventually stopped.

I’m done rambling. I just don’t want to see those packs of Piattos again on any weekday.