Since the start of the year, I have sworn to stick to my diet and be done with it. Easier said than done. However, since the start of May, I have continuously stuck to my exercise of one hour for four days a week (which can even reach five) and be more conscious of the things I eat. I don’t weigh myself, but I look for the overall change in the body shape.
I have to admit that I even used prescription drugs on two occasions on the past two years, but I ended up stopping eventually because I feared for the overall effect it will have in my body. I did not want and still do not want to be emaciated. Rather, I just wanted to fit into the clothes I like to wear. It is that simple.
I’m just a 5’6″ guy at 27. I have long accepted that I will never be 135lbs and extremely athletic as I used to be back in college. Even if I feel generally heavier than on my late teens, I know it will only be a matter of time when my body will settle on having a larger skeletal frame. Friends and people I know for years look at me and always remark that I’m not fat and my present body frame looked better than before. But I know deep inside that I can do better than this.
Over the past month of this rigorous discipline, I have noticed two things: I still gained weight but got leaner and definitely fit better in my clothes. I’m 165lbs now but I’m pretty sure I put on some muscles as I do a couple of resistance exercises as well. But what is weird is that I do not like it when my family and my SO, inquire about the food I eat or my exercise habits. I love exercising alone and be not bothered about it.
For the record, my family were not asking that much, but my SO is a different story. He would be constantly giving snide remarks. Even if most of them are encouragements, I just don’t like people alluding to my ‘secret training’. I even squeeze in a few sit-ups in my bed before sleeping because it makes me feel so much better.
When I woke up earlier today, I knew that I might not be able to do my usual cardio because I was aching quite a bit. To make matters worse, I ended up eating quite a hefty amount today. A couple of rice-heavy Korean dishes, a glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut, and a cup of Starbucks Green Tea Latte. The last two, I did not even pay for (as I’m not a fan of them to start with), but it’s difficult to resist my officemates’ offer because I just don’t want to hurt their feelings and be called a snob.
Given the lack of exercise and the augmented intake of food today, chances are, I might be doing the usual routine before hitting the sack and exercise on a Saturday, which I’ve never done before. My weekends are usually exercise-free day, but I’ll feel better doing it than not. At the end of the day, I just wanted to feel better for nobody else but myself. I am always my worst critic.